Mrs Ronfire
by LJ Fan
Summary: Hermione pops the big question to the love of her life.


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Author's Notes: This is why you don't let me watch Mrs. Doubtfire. Really.

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Disclaimer: I don't own the idea this is based off, nor the characters. Sadly, I did not get Ron for Christmas. I did, however, get Harry Potter Clues: Book 5 which I'm quite happy about.

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~*~

It was just after Christmas break in the Gryffindor Common Room. Although the chairs were packed, for two solitary people they were empty. People ignored them because as long as they weren't fighting, they were of no interest to them. Who were they? Ron and Hermione, of course!

Hermione untangled her hand with Ron's to cover her mouth as she giggled out loud. Ron turned to her and raised an eyebrow, "What's so funny?"

"Just thinking of something I saw over the break." After that, the two were silent, both lost in their thoughts. Finally, Hermione spoke up again, looking completely serious, "Ron, would you dress up like a woman to see our kids?"

Ron sat up straight, his face paler than usual, "Kids? I don't remember…um…what?"

Hermione just shrugged, "Well, when we have kids and I become a worker in the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures, if I start working too late and you couldn't keep a job so you get more time with the kids and they like you better because when you're around I'm a mean lady and you bring home a horse for our son--"

Ron clapped a hand over Hermione's mouth, "You're ranting again. Yes, I would dress like a woman to see our kids." He wouldn't, of course. Kids were munchkins who's only purpose was to destroy any rational thought parents were lucky to have. He wouldn't dress up like a woman to get the last piece of bread, much less to see his kids. Hermione was truly bonkers sometimes.

Hermione shook her head, trying to make Ron remove his hand from her face. He got the picture and moved it, "Thank you. And don't lie to me, you wouldn't. I know you wouldn't. Not now anyways." She smirked with the annoying all-knowing smile she always seemed to possess. 

"Well, that's true. Is this going anywhere?"

Hermione shook her head, "Well, no." She said slowly, as though choosing her words carefully, "I just wanted to know how much you'd love our kids."

Ron started scratching the back of his neck, "Well, you see, I will love our kids very much. I'll love them so much I'll risk getting hit by you to take them flying. After all, any kids of mine will have to be Quidditch players so every game they're in, you'll send them a Howler demanding they hurt themselves on purpose so they can't play in the game like you did with Harry."

Hermione smiled, shaking her head lightly, "Ron, you're impossible and you know it." She stood up and stretched, announcing to the uncaring common room that she was going to bed, and leaving Ron to his thoughts. 

"Hey, mate, what's wrong?" Harry asked as he walked over. It wasn't the most fun thing watching your two best friends flirt. He always stayed away from it.

Ron remained thoughtful until he told Harry, "Hermione asked if I would dress like a woman to see our kids."

Harry nodded wisely, "You said yes, right?"

"Um…no. I told her I didn't know we had kids." Ron said tentatively. 

Harry rolled his eyes, "Of course you don't! You're supposed to just say yes. It's this code women have. 'Do you like me?' 'Oh, yes.' 'Am I pretty?' 'Yes.' 'Am I perfect and would you rip out your spleen and donate it to a little child without a Christmas present to make me happy?' 'Yes.' It doesn't make sense, but neither do they! They're scary things. They have their own codes, languages, and junk we will never understand. So in conclusion, you have to make it up to Hermione."

"Why?!" Ron asked, looking completely lost, "She wasn't mad! She was smiling!"

"If she yelled at you, you two would start fighting, the Gryffindor body would become interested in you, and more importantly, she doesn't want you to know. She wants to leave you confused and begging for a manual for What They Said - What They Meant by some random guy or something. Now think of ways to make it up to her." And with his words of wisdom, Harry left to go speak with Seamus about what to do about his missing pillow.

Ron stared at a wall for several minutes, "I wonder if Some Random Guy Or Something really wrote What They Said - What They Meant and if our Library has it. It would be a very good idea." He rubbed a chin slowly, trying to think of an idea. 

~*~

Harry was going to kill Ron, that was all that was to it. He was going to slug him until he was dead. He doubted Hermione would care too much. She would certainly agree with him in _this _situation. 

Harry was just going to pretend he and Ginny were not two feet shorter and wearing their pyjamas. He was also going to pretend he was not petting a horse. Too bad he couldn't pretend Ron was not singing some stupid song at the top of his lungs, being as close as he could to the girls' dormitories. When everyone heard him sing, they ran. Hermione, instead, decided to be an evil witch and stay inside her dorm to make him continue singing…awfully. Out of all the ways Ron could have gotten Hermione to forgive him, he chose this. 

"Hermione just get out here!" Ginny yelled, sounding funny with a teenaged voice on a three foot girl, "Before I drag you out!" 

Hermione finally descended, stopping half way when she saw the scene before her. She clapped her hands to her face, trying to hide her large grin and the tears pouring down her face, "Oh, Ron!" She ran down the stairs, but he stopped her.

"Now, now, dear," Ron said in a voice that was supposed to sound like a grandmother's voice. He sounded like his voice was cracking, "You shouldn't run indoors. It's hazardous to your health. Now why don't we all sit down and Ron will apologize for getting young Harry a horse." Hermione looked over to see Harry petting a real horse, or so it looked. It was just something they found in some first year's trunk, enlarged, and tried to animate.

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"I may have to kill this horse." Harry said out loud to get his friends from staring at each other, "So please make up now. Remember your best friends and your sister are in the room, too." 

Hermione rolled her eyes and threw a couch pillow at him, "Oh shut up, Harry. You're just jealous that I'm taller than you."

"Child abuse! Child abuse!" Harry yelled and ran after her. Ginny joined in and ran after Ron. Harry tackled Hermione to the ground and held her by her wrists. When Ginny captured Ron, she sat on him and announced, "I want ice cream."

Hermione did her best to shrug, "So? That's not how the movie went!"

Harry laughed, "Maybe we're just not motion picture worthy."

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Author's Notes: Okay, I redid it because people said they were confused. I think this ending will confuse people even more. If it does, tell me in a review which part confuses you so I can fix it. Basically, it doesn't go in the order of Mrs. Doubtfire because only Hermione saw it, so the others just made up their own version. Um…yeah. Weird, I know. 


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